Do You Embrace Vulnerability?

Our posts are completely free to read. If you enjoy our work and wish to support our book, there’s an option to upgrade to paid, but only if you want to. We are grateful to all subscribers! We encourage readers to share about our book Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times on social media and, if you can write a review on Amazon, that could help give the book a boost!

-----

Since my October stroke and ongoing aging, I find myself thinking more about my own vulnerability. I was asked the question in the post title by my therapist Kristen who added, “I wonder if you realize the importance your own simple presence serves in the lives of others.” She went on: “As you encounter change and uncertainty in the coming weeks and months, perhaps you can lead with the question, what would need to change to embrace or lean into vulnerability?”

I think people (men especially) can be pretty uncomfortable when you talk about a concept like vulnerability. It may lead to insecurity and the inability to inspire the confidence of others. But in her book Dare to Lead, author and public speaker Brené Brown describes the deep connection between courage and vulnerability, adding that daring leaders who live their values “are never silent about hard things.” She also offers a TED Talk titled The Power of Vulnerability.

Being effective at vulnerability starts by digging deep within yourself to better understand your emotions and thought processes. Sharing with others can follow from working to better understand yourself. In our book, Beyond the Politics of Contempt, we include many personal stories to communicate our values and life journey. For example, there is an embarrassing photo of me hanging precariously on a 1000-foot New Hampshire cliff!

Doug hanging from a cliff in New Hampshire. Live free or die!

In 2024, I attended a church service at All Saints by-the-Sea, a summer chapel in Southport, Maine. Mark Beckwith, a retired Episcopal bishop and Braver Angels faith leader, gave a sermon highlighting the difference between humility and humiliation—two very different words with the same root. Acting with humility is so important even if it seems out of fashion in these “us versus them” times.

Vulnerability is closely related to humility, two important life skills that often seem out of fashion in these divided times. In our book, we encourage people to write down their values and ask if courage, curiosity, vulnerability, empathy, and authenticity are anywhere on their list. Even the best among us struggle to consistently embrace our chosen values, but they are so important to consider it as we undertake life’s journey.

Knowing our values can be very helpful as we adopt a mindset of striving to stay open to other viewpoints and treating people with kindness and respect—even if we disagree with their opinions. Braver conversations require us to be vulnerable but can be empowering and positively influence others. Mónica Guzmán notes that persuasion “cannot work from shame. It cannot work from attack. It can only work from genuine, open, vulnerable conversations.”

Moral courage is often a necessary ally of vulnerability when facing popular opposition, indignity, or risk to personal reputation. While we all admire courage in theory, enthusiasm may diminish when we actually need to apply it. After all, courage is risky and may put us at increased risk of being talked down to and possibly even feeling humiliated. When we get out of our comfort zone -- for example, pushing back against certain ideas or perspectives from those on our side of a political divide -- this may feel very isolating.

This is tough stuff, but it is important to consider ways to increase vulnerability, humility, and courage in our daily living. We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!