Am I a Chameleon or Am I Keeping the Peace?

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Over the past few years, many of my previously long-held and deeply-held beliefs have shifted. These shifts have happened privately and quietly, so anyone who knew me from my past writings or interactions may not realize how my views have changed.

I’m aware of this and often move seamlessly between what feels like two separate worlds: the world of my before-beliefs and perspectives, and the world of my after-beliefs and ideals.

My core remains constant. I still believe in God. I believe Jesus is real, and I want to live according to his wisdom.

I can talk the talk of both worlds. I can talk like a conservative, and I can talk as someone who has more liberal/progressive views.

What I don’t want: to be false.

Last week, I attended a conference where everyone assumed I am one of them. In many ways, I am one of them — at my core. But some of my specific views and approaches have shifted. I get these people and can easily use their phrases and understand their beliefs and ideals. But I no longer agree with them wholeheartedly.

If I speak their language and blend in, am I a chameleon, or am I keeping the peace?

While at the conference, I had a conversation with a woman who confided that she’s mastered the art of the straight, emotionless face when people talk about ideas that conflict with her values. They assume she is like them, but she’s not, so she remains impassive and accepts them as they are. She is a chameleon, but she is a chameleon on a quest to create peace and build bridges. She is true to herself and her values while seeking to remain in relationship, even with people with whom she disagrees.

I admire this friend’s ability to stay silent and to wait for the right moments in which to speak up. Yet, I wrestle with a nagging feeling that I must always clear the air to let people know where I stand.

This month, my team and I are publicly celebrating Pride Month. We are creating content to promote LGBTQ+ authors and their perspectives. We changed our logo to include a progressive pride flag. We are outing ourselves as allies to the LGBTQ+ community.

For those who know my story, this may be a surprising move and may conflict with the stance of those in evangelical Christian circles. This is one of my important shifts: to accept, embrace, include, and celebrate people in the LGBTQ+ community. This is a place I’m not willing to be a chameleon; instead, I’m changing my colors to a rainbow to openly declare my allyship.

What does this mean for building bridges across differences?

Last week, it meant listening with curiosity to someone whose views conflict with my own, getting to know her as a person while trying to understand her perspective, and then unequivocally sharing my own view, which she received with kindness.

We can respect one another as people and honor each other’s journeys without agreeing.

I will continue to navigate how to share my shifting views with people who see me as I once was, with hopes that people will be curious about my shifts even as I show curiosity about their perspectives and journeys.

How about you? How do you show up? Are you a chameleon or are you keeping the peace?

You will find more of these examples in our forthcoming book, Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times. If you liked this post, please check out our other posts, which are available at no cost to subscribers.